Enlistment

[cmjp_09]

My fiance is thinking about joining the SEALs and I am a little (strike that) I am VERY apprehensive about this. We are getting married this summer before he even enlists. I still have so many questions, but I guess I'll start with the most daunting one:

If he enlists and makes it through BUDS and everything else (see I don't even know the whole process)... get his trident and he's a SEAL... how long is he a SEAL? Is it a life time thing or is there a minimum enlistment time?

Second question, what benefits would I get as the wife of a SEAL?

Last question for now. I know that its going to be rough having him gone a lot, but how do I deal? I get so upset when I have to be away from him for 3 days.

Any advice and information is welcome.

[spartizzle]

Mam, I am not a SEAL or a in the Navy yet. I ship out Nov. 10. I was just married last September to a wonderful woman(i got very lucky). Things changed in my life a few months after we got married which led me to the US Navy. She was apprehensive at first but, after speaking with the Recruiter AND my mentor,(notice the AND, make sure you speak with the mentor) she now is backing me up 100%. I am spending a lot of hours at the gym which still does not compare to the amount of time I will be away WHEN I am at BUD/s and beyond. I do not know your exact situation, but it seems as though I was just in your fiances shoes a few short months ago. I am actually on my belated honeymoon right now.

I offer this one piece of official advice because of my extremely limited experience. If you choose to back him up in this decision, which is the second largest in his life(you being the first), back him up 100%. If you choose not to, be very forward with your feelings, DO NOT LIE, it will hurt him worse later and it may cost you both dearly.

Unofficially: If you are Christians, keep God at the top and everything will fall into place. If you want to back him up but you are scared(Sarah felt this way for me) pray and ask God for a peace about it.


That is all I got. I know these are not answers to your technical questions, but I thought I would interject because of the similarity between situations. Feel free to pm me.


P.S. - My wife is looking over my shoulder at the moment and wants me to add that your fiance needs to make you apart of the process 100% of the time and share all research with you openly, She says get the Discovery BUD/s class 234 video and get "The Lone Survivor". Both are eye openers for him and you.
The Lone Survivor:
http://www.amazon.com/Lone-Survivor-Eyewitness-Account-Operation/dp/0316067598
BUD/s class 234:
http://www.amazon.com/Navy-Seals/dp/B000QFAFS6/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1220940876&sr=8-2

Hope this is not a waist of your time

[oldswabbie]

My fiance is thinking about joining the SEALs and I am a little (strike that) I am VERY apprehensive about this. We are getting married this summer before he even enlists. I still have so many questions, but I guess I'll start with the most daunting one:

If he enlists and makes it through BUDS and everything else (see I don't even know the whole process)... get his trident and he's a SEAL... how long is he a SEAL? Is it a life time thing or is there a minimum enlistment time?

Second question, what benefits would I get as the wife of a SEAL?

Last question for now. I know that its going to be rough having him gone a lot, but how do I deal? I get so upset when I have to be away from him for 3 days.

Any advice and information is welcome.

CMJP ~ I'm going to be honest with you, brutally honest. I want you to think about what I'm saying ok. I'm not doing it to be mean. Both of you are young and in love, thats understandable. HOWEVER. IF he joins the Navy your life is going to change DRASTICALLY (I'm not even talking about SEAL Teams yet). After his Boot Camp and "A" school he will be stationed either on ship or at his first duty station. Odds are - Ship. You wont see alot of him if its that. Just the Navy life in general is tough... its takes ALOT of work.. ask ANY Navy Wife.

NOW ~ Throw Navy Special Warfare into the mix, a whole nuther critter. In some ways its better, some ways its worse. Deployments are not as long but they are definately more intense (obviously - duh), and extremely more dangerous.

In all this you cannot be selfish, neither can he. You cant be putting pressure on him that he has no control over such as "I never get to see you anymore!"... well.. duh... he's in the Navy.. he has to go where they tell him to. There's absolutely nothing he can do about it - nothing. You will have to be supportive if you want your marriage to work, so will he. He will have to understand your needs and do the VERY best he can to help you with those. Somewhere in that middle ground maybe you can dig a foxhole of a marriage and make it work.

It will not be easy ~ but if you love each other and are committed to each other it WILL be worth it.

The first thing you are going to have to do it get rid of the selfishness with this ~ "I get upset if i'm away from him". That isnt going to cut it in the United States Navy for you OR for him.


OldSwabbie

[cmjp_09]

Thank you both for your advice and words of wisdom.

I would like to mention that when I said I get upset, I didn't mean 'angry'... I meant that I get sad and lonely.

[oldswabbie]

Thank you both for your advice and words of wisdom.

I would like to mention that when I said I get upset, I didn't mean 'angry'... I meant that I get sad and lonely.

You can make it work but it will take some work. There are some great ladies on this site that have some real pearls of wisdom that can really help you. I can give you the mans point of view ~ but you also need the girls too. :)

OldSwabbie

[soccermom]

Thank you both for your advice and words of wisdom.

I would like to mention that when I said I get upset, I didn't mean 'angry'... I meant that I get sad and lonely.

Hi cmjp! I've been married to a SEAL for a very long time and I still get sad and lonely when he's gone for 3 days so no worries there! I think that's pretty normal in your situation and I don't think that's selfish. Just the fact that you're on here trying to find info about the SEALs since your fiance is interested shows me you're being unselfish. I know Oldswabbie meant no harm by that.

To answer some of your questions, If he makes it through BUD/s (6 months and the vast majority quit because it's so hard and painful) and then SQT (another 6 months of training) he goes to a SEAL Team. He'll owe about 5 years. (the figure I last heard was 51 months after SQT, but I'm not positive)
Those will be busy, intense years. He'll have a 18 month workup followed by a 6 -7 month deployment. When he gets back from deployment he'll have a little bit of down time followed by starting the process over again (and again). It's a lot of time gone and most of us dread it but eventually you get a little more used to it.

As far as the benefits go, you'll be covered for medical and have base privledges etc. A recruiter may be the best to answer all of that.

Being a SEAL wife (or any military wife) is a great way to develop coping skills! A supportive extended family is a bonus even if they are not nearby. I've found other SEAL wives to be a tremendous support to me since they're all dealing (or have dealt) with the same things. I have met the world's most amazing women and I am constantly inspired by even much younger wives as I see them stumble, dust themselves off, and keep plodding on. It's a little easier when we lean on each other and make sure to keep the pressure off the guys while their deployed, especially.

Hope this helps. My best to you!