Dating a SEAL

[penclavin]

I have a very quick question: How often/long will a SEAL be required to participate in trips abroad if he is stationed stateside (ie shore duty). Are these 'missions' typically training stints, or are they combat in nature. I have recently begun seeing/dating such a fella, if 'seeing' is really the word. Clearly it is too early to decide if this is going anywhere, but I really like him, and I don't want to call it off if he truly is expected to be gone for a week plus at a time.
(Is contact with family/friends minimal during one these 'out of town excursions?')

[swcc-wife]

For the most part, SEAL billets are for sea duty. There are a few exceptions but, usually, even if they are stationed in the states, their jobs are considered sea duty. Expect him to be gone very often. They are gone a lot for training as well an their normal deployments. The length of time he is gone will vary; it could be weeks or months. His ability to have contact with you will depend largely on where he is and the purpose of the trip.

[Shar36]

penclavin, welcome to NavySEALs.com! I saw your post and moved it to the General Talk Lounge. The forum you posted it in is for all new members to introduce themselves to the rest of the NSC community.

If you haven't done so already, you should go back and read the ROE and then make your introduction post in the Forum titled, "Your First Post Goes Here!" thread.

Thanks
~ Shar

[jumpingbum]

I will preface this with the following: I am married to a retired SF guy. However, since the mindset and missions are similar (NOT identical, similar) I can add a few things to the conversation. However, the other ladies on this thread are far better sources of info. :)

That said, he was gone 60% of the time when he was on a team. And by that I mean an ODA (Operational Detachment Alpha) team, A-Team, the guys who go and do stuff.

When I was dating him I was told that the women who do best are the independent ones. Now, that was during peacetime. They were gone more than any other Division in the Army. Now they are gone the least. Suffice it to say that you will spend more time with the wives and girlfriends than you will him. Make sure you develop your own interests and have your own life aside from him. Get a job you REALLY like, make and keep really close friends. You will NEED them.

Finally? It ain't easy, but it's been worth it.

Hang in there. :)

[soccermom]

SEALs do get shore duty. My husband is a SEAL and is on shore duty. However, it is not the same thing as being stationed stateside, so he may be "stationed stateside" and be at a sea tour. The rest of your post is a little confusing to me. If he is a SEAL, expect him to both train and be in combat. Sometimes you can have contact and sometimes you can't. I'm not sure what you mean when you say that you really like him but you don't want to call if off if he is truly expected to be gone for a week plus at a time. Does that mean that you'd rather have him gone or that you're suspicious that he's making it up? A week plus isn't a very long time and is not uncommon at a shore duty, depending. At a Team, it would only be uncommon for its brevity. (Are you positive he's a SEAL? Have you met any other girlfriends of guys he works with?)

[sealwife256]

penclavin, welcome to NavySEALs.com! I saw your post and moved it to the General Talk Lounge. The forum you posted it in is for all new members to introduce themselves to the rest of the NSC community.

If you haven't done so already, you should go back and read the ROE and then make your introduction post in the Forum titled, "Your First Post Goes Here!" thread.

Thanks
~ Shar

This is why we need the family forum ;) sorry, had to say it

[ambassador1]

This is why we need the family forum ;) sorry, had to say it

Actually I think penclavin just read the title "Your First Post Goes Here" without reading the subtitle of the forum and posted her question there.

No need to be sorry. We aren't opposed to re-visiting the subject of the Family Forum. The Administrators and Moderators do keep in touch with one another and we are all in "the know" about this subject.

ambassador1

[Courtenay]

I get the impression, as soccermom touched on, that you don't trust him. You are afraid that he is making it all up about when and why he is gone.

Two things I'd like to add. If you think he is one who will deceive you, SEAL or no SEAL, legitimate time away or not, he may just be one who will deceive or "play" you. If that is what your gut is telling you, you may want to rethink the idea of even getting anything serious started with him. He may just be at a playing around point....not a relationship point.

Secondly, you said you just started "seeing" him, so who's to say it's serious at all? Casual dating and being in "like" and getting to know another person leaves them with no obligation to tell you where they are every second of every day. You may want to discuss where he sees the "relationship" compared to where you see it. His disappearing act (that's the impression I get of what he is doing) might just mean that he likes to hang out with you and spend time with you, but he isn't looking at it as a relationship at all. You know what I mean?

[Courtenay]

Just an add-on, when a guy is really "into" a woman, he FINDS a way to stay in touch. Not reasons why he won't be in touch.

[oldswabbie]

Just an add-on, when a guy is really "into" a woman, he FINDS a way to stay in touch. Not reasons why he won't be in touch.


A GUYS POINT OF VIEW ? ~ penclavin... Courtenay is correct... :)

Ill paddle back out of here and let you girls talk


OldSwabbie

[bud/s sucks]

I'd say your best bet is to ask him what it will be like for the two of you.

[penclavin]

Thanks for the info! :)

[sealwife256]

I get the impression, as soccermom touched on, that you don't trust him. You are afraid that he is making it all up about when and why he is gone.

Two things I'd like to add. If you think he is one who will deceive you, SEAL or no SEAL, legitimate time away or not, he may just be one who will deceive or "play" you. If that is what your gut is telling you, you may want to rethink the idea of even getting anything serious started with him. He may just be at a playing around point....not a relationship point.

Secondly, you said you just started "seeing" him, so who's to say it's serious at all? Casual dating and being in "like" and getting to know another person leaves them with no obligation to tell you where they are every second of every day. You may want to discuss where he sees the "relationship" compared to where you see it. His disappearing act (that's the impression I get of what he is doing) might just mean that he likes to hang out with you and spend time with you, but he isn't looking at it as a relationship at all. You know what I mean?

I have a good friend whose man just graduted SQT and they have been on again off again for a while. They have decided to causal date, like Court said. That way they don't have to keep bringing up how much he's gone, what each person is doing... it's been working out for them. They are just seeing where it goes and how she deals with the lifestyle.

[huyah_dan18]

Action... Adventure.... Dating Advice.... Dude, NavySEALS.com has it all.

Dan18

[searles72]

No kidding! Some even think its a Dating Site!!!!:eek:

[oldswabbie]

No kidding! Some even think its a Dating Site!!!!:eek:

Oh you remember when the CapeMay gal got on too huh :) The guy she met was probably a phony anyway... LOL

OldSwabbie

[Courtenay]

I'll tell you guys what, you missed the days when this site almost was a "dating" site. I joined right at the tail end of the good times around here. The chatroom was busting at the seams every evening until the wee hours of the morning. There were hook-ups galore, and even a marriage or two! (and a couple of broken marriages, too, oops!)

[Shar36]

I'll tell you guys what, you missed the days when this site almost was a "dating" site. I joined right at the tail end of the good times around here. The chatroom was busting at the seams every evening until the wee hours of the morning. There were hook-ups galore, and even a marriage or two! (and a couple of broken marriages, too, oops!)

Huh....Imagine that! I've heard a few stories about those chats and who a few of the "main" chatters/players were!

:rolleyes:

[Courtenay]

Well, I don't know what stories you heard. But it wasn't ALL flirting and hooking-up. I had a lot of fun and got to know people in that chatroom, some of whom remain my friends to this day. SealPup and Wetwash, old VN SEALs were in there daily, telling their tales. ThurstonHowell, a team guy stayed in the chatroom with me almost the whole entire night of my son's first night of hellweek. I got to know Kamy, Pam, Jeff (both Jeffs, actually 3 Jeffs) the list goes on and on.

A lot of young single military guys when they were bored would log in and hang out in the chatroom and flirt. They knew there were women who came to this site to hopefully meet military guys. And where there are women, men will follow. The positive by-product of that to the site is since they were here, they'd wander over to the forums and post! The other was, that the wannabes would catch them right there in the chatroom and ask questions. It made the wannabe's day to talk on-line to a real deal. You wouldn't believe how many young guys stayed logged into the chatroom all day waiting for a SEAL or SF guy to stop in!

[Shar36]

Well, I don't know what stories you heard. But it wasn't ALL flirting and hooking-up. I had a lot of fun and got to know people in that chatroom, some of whom remain my friends to this day. SealPup and Wetwash, old VN SEALs were in there daily, telling their tales. ThurstonHowell, a team guy stayed in the chatroom with me almost the whole entire night of my son's first night of hellweek. I got to know Kamy, Pam, Jeff (both Jeffs, actually 3 Jeffs) the list goes on and on.

A lot of young single military guys when they were bored would log in and hang out in the chatroom and flirt. They knew there were women who came to this site to hopefully meet military guys. And where there are women, men will follow. The positive by-product of that to the site is since they were here, they'd wander over to the forums and post! The other was, that the wannabes would catch them right there in the chatroom and ask questions. It made the wannabe's day to talk on-line to a real deal. You wouldn't believe how many young guys stayed logged into the chatroom all day waiting for a SEAL or SF guy to stop in!

I never said it was ALL flirting and/or hooking up chats going on. I simply said that I had heard a FEW stories. I've been in the chat room many times and not once did anyone participate in flirting of any type. It was different groups of members here getting to know one another, nothing more and nothing less.

Where there are military men, women will follow as well. Yes, I would believe how many up and comers there were in the chat room waiting for the opportunity to chat with a SEAL and/or SF guy. I don't find that surprising in the least.

[lisalynne10]

ThurstonHowell, my, my....I'd all but forgotten!! Yes, back in the time Courtenay was referring too there was a different group of people who came to chat. K-Bar is another who I miss on here...the list goes on. But, yeah, I do remember several "froghogs" who frequented the site looking for a hook-up!

[Courtenay]

I lost touch with Thurston about a year ago. He is at the same team as Frogwife's hubby, or was. I wonder what he is up to now! I haven't talked to xtm4 in about that long as well. Oh, and I do remember K-bar. And EmbracetheHate. Remember him? He attracted the frog hogs for sure! What a hottie. Oh, and Digem too! I almost forgot that little nut!

[oldswabbie]

You know ladies, I wish I knew some of these guys :( but I wasnt around then. Although, I would love to see some of the Old Frogs coming back to help the young guys who are preparing or who are going through bud/s.

We have some teams guys on here now.. and I am SOOOO Thankful for them. We sure could use more FROGS to guide, direct and help them along the way.

Hey...I'm just a Sailor. While I may know stuff... I can't help these guys where they need it the most. I've said a bunch of times, I can only walk with them so far down that pier, then I have to hand them off to someone else.

I hope some of the "Old Guys" are watching... Nobody can be what they are to these young men starting out. They are HERO's! Personally? I think these young men are worth the effort, thats why i'm here.


OldSwabbie

[Courtenay]

I agree completely Swabbie.

We have to make an environment which interests them. They are very busy guys if they are active. The no longer active ones are the best group to target to bring on board, but being on the internet is a source of recreation, entertainment. We have to find a way to make this site somewhere they WANT to visit for recreation. Helping out the wannabes will naturally happen if they are here anyway. Getting them here just to help the guys is a bit tougher, I think.

[oldswabbie]

The AD guys I understand will not have alot of time. Others depending upon how busy their lives are and how much a demand of time is may have some time.

Again, I wasn't here long ago when many left. But those guys (SEALS) are no different than I am in that they would have the same desire and want to help where they could. The difference is ~ I can only help so far and then its Ka-Put... This is a Navy SEALS site, I am NOT A Navy SEAL... as my moniker says... just an "oldswabbie".... (compared to most on here).

Maybe in the future things can turn around and it'll turn into a "Swamp" around here again :)

OldSwabbie