Less than supportive parents

[jjrjr]

I came to the conclusion several months ago that I will be joining the Navy after I graduate college. Though I originally considered OCS I have since changed my mind and am certain I want to enlist in hopes of becoming a SEAL. Unfortunately, let's just say my parents were less then thrilled.

I understand that sometimes these decisions need time to sink in with family and friends, but all my friends support me, my younger siblings seem to support me, its just my parents, however, will hear nothing of it. Considering they paid for a large portion of my college tuition and expenses, I feel I owe them a little more then a "sorry, but this is what I want to do, so screw what you say." I respect my parents' opinion more than anyone else's and I really feel that I would NEED them behind me if I want to accomplish such a difficult and important goal.

I was just wondering if there was anyone else who had been in a similar position, whether mine or my parents, and how they handled it.

JR-

Also, to the mods, feel free to move this to a more appropriate thread if you feel so inclined. I wasn't positive where it was best to submit it.

[sealwife256]

Are your parents upset at the fact that you're joining the Navy, or the fact that you're joining and have decided to go in enlisted?

[jjrjr]

Well its pretty confusing actually. At first they seemed angry that I was considering the military at all, however both my grandfather and an uncle served and my grandfather was always a big supporter in all men serving at least a limited time in some branch of the military and my parents understand where I'm coming from in that respect, at least I hope. I think its more that I chose to enlist in hopes of becoming a SEAL, a rating that would put me on the front lines. Its not so much that they are worried about my safety, thats something all parents must deal with, but that I could likely qualify for other ratings that would give me great opportunities later in life without the danger.

I had originally been bouncing back and forth between going to law school or to Graduate school to pursue degrees in Political Science or Philosophy. So enlisting in hopes of becoming a SEAL is quite a direction shift even though I do hope to still complete one of those paths someday.

[9007112]

Well its pretty confusing actually. At first they seemed angry that I was considering the military at all, however both my grandfather and an uncle served and my grandfather was always a big supporter in all men serving at least a limited time in some branch of the military and my parents understand where I'm coming from in that respect, at least I hope. I think its more that I chose to enlist in hopes of becoming a SEAL, a rating that would put me on the front lines. Its not so much that they are worried about my safety, thats something all parents must deal with, but that I could likely qualify for other ratings that would give me great opportunities later in life without the danger.

I had originally been bouncing back and forth between going to law school or to Graduate school to pursue degrees in Political Science or Philosophy. So enlisting in hopes of becoming a SEAL is quite a direction shift even though I do hope to still complete one of those paths someday.

My advice to you is do what makes your parents happy since it means a lot to you, don't enlist the Navy, don't get a SEAL contract, either go to Law school, or get a degree in Political Science or Philosophy.

There is no point in doing what you want to do with your life if it's not gonna make your parents happy, you might regret later in your life, but your parents brought you where you are, you cannot afford to upset them now, it wouldn't be fair.

Of course, I'm being ****ing sarcastic, you think the majority of parents want their "babies" being in harms way? **** no, but wtf are you gonna do? do what mommy and daddy want for the rest of your adult life?

If we all honestly told you that you shouldn't go? would that change your mind? if it would, you need a reality check, that your will ain't that strong enough, it will be a reason for you to quit when you're desperately looking for one.

You'll get a $40,000 bonus if you become a SEAL, send the college expenses to your parents if you feel bad about it, remember, this is YOUR life, you must do what YOU want to do with it, regrets are gonna be a ***** , you can always go finish law school or WHATEVER, ANYTHING you wanna do after SEAL training, but rememeber, the cut off for training is 29 in most cases.......so act now.

Just so you know, I've wanted to join the Military since I was 17 with a SEAL contract.....I'm 21 now, 4 years later...I'm still trying to enlist but I simply cannot, 4 years trying to fix all the things that are stopping me from enlisting...4 years of work I don't like, being ****ed over by the Criminal justice system, dealing with security clearance issues I have no control about, spending over $12,000 to try to enlist the Navy to fix my issues and I'm still gonna ****ing enlist and graduate honor man unless I ****ing die.

And all you have to simply take the ASVAB, sign the paper and leave....I'm jealous that you have it that easy, you have no idea, but your post makes me think you don't even want it that bad, it's just an "option to consider", if so don't waste your time and anyone else's since you're already setting yourself up for failure.

Just go to law school or study philosophy, it's a good option and it ain't gonna be the end of the world for you if you don't become a SEAL.

[jjrjr]

Figured a response like that was coming... just to set the record straight...

I'm enlisting to become a SEAL.

This is what I want to do and what I'm going to do. I just don't want to say a big F--- You to my parents before I do it. All I'm really asking is how others may have broken the news to their families and loved ones more gently or how families and loved ones in my parents' position were eventually able to come around. Thats all. I may have misspoke before but please do not mistake my desire to have my loved ones' support with any notions of doing what they want for me rather then what I want for myself. Again, I AM, regardless of anyone else's opinion, enlisting to become a Navy SEAL.

JR-

But I appreciate the comment, ones like that are always a kick in the *** as motivation

[bud/s 184]

I came to the conclusion several months ago that I will be joining the Navy after I graduate college. Though I originally considered OCS I have since changed my mind and am certain I want to enlist in hopes of becoming a SEAL. Unfortunately, let's just say my parents were less then thrilled.

I understand that sometimes these decisions need time to sink in with family and friends, but all my friends support me, my younger siblings seem to support me, its just my parents, however, will hear nothing of it. Considering they paid for a large portion of my college tuition and expenses, I feel I owe them a little more then a "sorry, but this is what I want to do, so screw what you say." I respect my parents' opinion more than anyone else's and I really feel that I would NEED them behind me if I want to accomplish such a difficult and important goal.

I was just wondering if there was anyone else who had been in a similar position, whether mine or my parents, and how they handled it.

JR-

Also, to the mods, feel free to move this to a more appropriate thread if you feel so inclined. I wasn't positive where it was best to submit it.

Bro...the best thing in life and one of the most motivating....is proving the Hater's WRONG!! It makes surf torture, 4 mile timed runs....yeah go run 2 miles...not timed...and tell me how u feel...then think about 4 miles...sand....instructors....high tide...sore stiff knees....yeah.....then you think about what your folks are gunna think when you graduate Honorman of your BUD/S class.....yeah...that **** motivated me!!! Hell we didn't get no 40k......**** we got orders to Fort Benning Jump School....that was our graduation bonus....no guaranteed rank....nothing....just the pride....when those that questioned.....watched you graduate......make the haters...your motivation...!!!!!

[sealwife256]

I think its more that I chose to enlist in hopes of becoming a SEAL, a rating that would put me on the front lines.

I must tell you Officer or Enlisted as a SEAL your always on the front line of something. It is the only part of any military branch I know of where officer or enlisted at the end you are a SEAL, this is why BUD/s is made up of enlisted and officers, you work together and train together. My husband said that the Army guys at jump school looked at the enlisted guys funny when they called their officers by their first names... that bird on your chest means something more, it means every man who earned put himself through agony and back again and didn't give up. My Mother-in-law has a son who is a SEAL and another who is a Cobra pilot for the marines that graduated from the Naval Academy. She couldn't be more proud.

[sealmama]

My son has wanted to be a SEAL for years. He read about it, talked about it, and trained for it. Somehow we went from "Someday I'm going to join the Navy and be a SEAL" to leaving for BUD/S. I must have blinked or something!

I have been behind him 100% and so has his dad. But honestly, we have had YEARS to prepare for this day. I have read the same military books my son has. One of the reasons I read this site is to keep educating myself.

There's no magic "off" switch your parents can throw so that they can stop worrying about what the future may hold. It's part of being a parent. You will most likely go through something similar when you become a dad. Kids tend to grow up with minds of their own, and parents have to learn to let go and let them make their own decisions. You sound like a young man that any mom would be proud of. When they point out all your other options, I'm sure you can agree that they are all very good options, but they will just have to come to terms with yes, they are good options, but they are not the SEALs. You will never have this chance again, you are young, most likely in good physical shape, and I assume not married. You don't want to settle for less. I hope they will eventually catch your vision and be every bit as enthusiastic as you are.

I hope you'll keep us posted. I wish you all the best.

[StevenO]

jjrjr;

I couldn't agree more. bud/s 184, sealwife256, and sealmama have it right. I think it is honorable that you respect your parents and that their opinions mean a lot to you. However, I would be willing to bet that if you also sat down with them and explained how important becoming a SEAL is, they may not like the idea but maybe they would understand a little more. This is a quote from William David Thoreau that I have painted on my son's bedroom wall:

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams; live the life you have imagined"

I hope this helps.

- Steve O.

[jumpingbum]

I came to the conclusion several months ago that I will be joining the Navy after I graduate college. Though I originally considered OCS I have since changed my mind and am certain I want to enlist in hopes of becoming a SEAL. Unfortunately, let's just say my parents were less then thrilled.

I understand that sometimes these decisions need time to sink in with family and friends, but all my friends support me, my younger siblings seem to support me, its just my parents, however, will hear nothing of it. Considering they paid for a large portion of my college tuition and expenses, I feel I owe them a little more then a "sorry, but this is what I want to do, so screw what you say." I respect my parents' opinion more than anyone else's and I really feel that I would NEED them behind me if I want to accomplish such a difficult and important goal.

I was just wondering if there was anyone else who had been in a similar position, whether mine or my parents, and how they handled it.

JR-

Also, to the mods, feel free to move this to a more appropriate thread if you feel so inclined. I wasn't positive where it was best to submit it.

I think your parents are concerned because college is expen$ive and since they are footing the part of the bill they believe (rightly so) that it is wasted if you are enlisted. (PLEASE DON'T FLAME ME ON THIS, I WAS ENLISTED. PLEASE KEEP READING.) You don't need a college education to enlist in the Armed services.

I finished graduate school and enlisted in the Army believing that the chance to do research at a world class facility (USARIEM) was "much better" than being an officer in the Air Force and training fighter pilots.

I was WRONG. Enlisted in the Army are treated like CHILDREN regardless of how much education you have - someone is always beating on you telling you where to wipe your nose, how to wipe your nose and when to wipe your nose.

In the Navy, unless you are a SEAL, there are separate (or WERE in 1994) dining facilities for various ranks. If you are on board a ship, you sleep (correct me if I'm wrong, please) in a hammock with little to no privacy. Contrast this with being an officer where your intelligence and input is VALUED not only monetarily, but by your peers and subordinates.

THINK before you SIGN. REALLY REALLY THINK. If you don't make it as a SEAL, do you REALLY want to be treated like a child for your entire tour of enlistment? Take it from someone who was: YOU DON'T. I married an enlisted guy, it has nothing to do with snobbery. It has to do with being able to PAY YOUR BILLS.

If you have the smarts and the money to get into graduate school be it law school or political science, you should GO. As you get older you will see that the people who can't afford more education really pay for it in other ways. It's NOT FAIR, but that is the way the world works.

As I said, I have NOTHING against enlisted people; I have EVERYTHING against the way the system treats them. Even in the Air Force, enlisted people have to jump through hoops that officers don't to do their jobs and to make rank. True, it's not as many hoops as the other services, but they are there.

If you want to be a SEAL, you can be a SEAL as an officer, and if you don't make it? At least you have enough money to pay your bills and have better living conditions on board ship and on shore...

[Courtenay]

This makes me think of a line in the movie "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner" where Sydney Portier's character's father tells him about how he worked hard and his mother did without to put him through college, and because of that, he owes them. Portier's character responded back that he owes them nothing. They were doing what they were SUPPOSED to do as responsible parents. And that is what your parents did. They paid for your education to give you a start in life. What you choose to do with it is entirely up to you. You owe them nothing.

My son is a college graduate. He was sitting at a desk doing a job he hated, but that his college education helped him get. A college education which I paid for. He one day decided, really out-of-the-blue, that he was too young to rot behind a desk, he could do that when he got old. He decided to be a SEAL. Then ENLISTED in the Navy. This was post 9/11 and when war was eminent, and I was not thrilled at all. However, it is his life. My job was to do the best I could as a parent to make him a contributing member of society. How he does that is entirely up to him. Just as it is entirely up to you what you do with your life.

My son is happier now than I ever expected him to be in life. Ultimately that makes me happy. I am proud of him that he figured out what it was he wanted to do, and went for it. He could have rotted at that desk to make me happy, but would I have been? If he really wasn't?

[jumpingbum]

Just so I'm clear here, J Jr Jr, I'm not commenting on what your parents did or didn't say as much as my OWN experience.

You spoke a lot about safety. I didn't even mention that. I'm simply writing about how I felt after I made my decision and offering information you might not have considered.

- I was offered 2 jobs, and effectively? They were almost the same. One was an officer position, one was enlisted.

- I resented being treated like a child. I was unhappy being enlisted after putting all that effort time and money into MY education.

- SEALs are treated better than regular enlisted guys. They call their officers by their first names (something that I was not allowed to do outside of my own lab.)

-SEALs who are enlisted get to eat with their officers (something, that as I understand it regular Navy enlisted are not allowed to do.)

I write all this so you can make an informed decision. No matter what you do? I am behind you. :)

[autumn]

You know, Lisalynne and I were just having a conversation about this same thing yesterday..

My father has never liked the fact that I married a guy in the military. Now that we have 2 little boys he thinks it's absolutely absurd to even consider re-enlisting. What I've realized is you have to sit back and take what they say, think on it, and make your own decision.
Im sure their thoughts are that you are wasting your education (you know, the one they helped pay for). What you have to help them realize is that it is not wasted. Just because you go down a different path doesn't mean it's the wrong one. It just means that it's yours. Let them know that you respect their opinion and you've thought it out, but it's something you really want to do. Maybe they STILL won't like it, but youve done the respectful thing by listening and considering them and their opinions in your choice. Eventually they will come around. You are their son and they will always love you...even if you guys don't always agree.
Just consider the possibilities and consequences and make a well rounded decision.

[thatguy2695]

I am currently in the mental battle of going to college at all (want to be a Fire Fighter if and when I leave the NAVY) anyway I totally know where your coming from my parents have yelled and sworn at me at how much of failure former service members become because they have no degree and can't go anywhere.
You on the other hand have a degree which means when you leave the Navy you will immediately be able to get a decent job the SEALs won't set you back.

IMHO it is your life in 10 years will you look back and say Damn I should have gone. I never want to look back at a point in my life and because I tried to appease others regret my decision. (parents with SEALs, Friends with drugs) it all comes down to YOU.

something to say
"I need you behind me on this, but please don't stand in front of me"

[jjrjr]

I appreciate all the replies everyone and thank you.

Basically I know where Jumpingbum is coming from but I'm not one of the people I see on here asking, "what happens if I fail?" I understand that its a possibility, but I know I cannot look at it like that. I'm also not someone who will allow myself to be 'one and done' if something does happen that prevents me from making it through on my first try. I will work my *** off to make it back to BUD/s. So basically if I have to chip paint for 2 years I'll do it so long as it means I'll get another shot. However, I do not see that as an option and, though I'm not quite as vocal about it, I'm looking at it with all the zeal and confidence of 9007112.

Also I know SEALs have one of the highest percentage of enlisted men with college degrees (I believe it was 60 or 70% though that may be entirely wrong).

But I guess my parents (who are more worried about the whole "throwing my life away" thing then my personal safety) will just have to come around, all my other family and friends support me. I'm sure they'll catch on eventually

-JR