any advice? [Archive] - NavySEALs.com Forums

skylar

04-21-2008, 08:19 AM

I have been reading a lot of the posts on this forum, and all of them have been quite informative. Ok, so here's the situation. My boyfriend is enlisting this weekend, he is going into the Delayed Entry Program, so that he can physically prepare himself better before signing the SEAL challenge contract. When he first made this decision, I was very upset. We have been together for a little over 4 years now, and I have been with this guy 24/7 for all of those 4 years. On top of that we have been best friends since the 6th grade. The whole thing came as a huge surprise to me and his whole family. I have finally come to accept the fact that this is something he really not only wants to do, but needs to do and I am ready to support his as much as I can. But in all honesty, I'm not sure how to show him that I really do support what he is doing. I think all he sees is how upset I am that he's leaving, and I don't want him to leave with any guilt of leaving me. Another thing I was hoping to get advice about is him actually leaving. We live in Maryland right now, and well that is quite the distance from California. Will he be able to come home after bootcamp, or does he go straight to BUD/S? And while in BUD/S, will there be any time that I could come visit him? I'm really nervous about not being with him, mainly because I have been for so long now, but I know that we can make it through this, I was just hoping maybe someone on here could give me a little advice to shed some light on the matter.

firsttimeeverytime

04-21-2008, 08:45 AM

yes there are many ways you can show your support. just continue to do what your doing and be there for him. I just had 4 buddies that are startign Indoc with 271 today, HOOYAH 271, Ive talked to them throughout this whole process. After bootcamp, he will get the weekend off but will not be allowed to leave, you can go to the graduation and stay in a hotel and see him for the weekend. after that he starts an 8 week BUD/s prep course where he has nights and weekends off and if he wanted to drive out to you he could. After that he will get a few days leave in which he will get his stuff ready to go out to coronado. You will be able to see him at that time. As far as BUD/s goes, he will have nights and weekends for him to do whatever he wants. He will probably use that time to rest and eat and prepare for the evolutions the next day. Does that answer your questions?

skylar

04-21-2008, 09:17 AM

Yea, actually that was helpful. I'm just trying to get as much info as possible for not only myself, but him also. I think now that the enlistment date is here, we are both starting to get a little nervous about the whole situation. But I guess its kind of hard not to, this is a huge life change, into something we are definitely not too familiar with. Thanks for your help.

sealwife256

04-21-2008, 09:37 PM

Will he be able to come home after bootcamp, or does he go straight to BUD/S? And while in BUD/S, will there be any time that I could come visit him?

I don't know much about boot camp because my husband and I weren't dating at the time, but at BUD/S you can visit as much or as little as you two decide. I saw my man every other weekend, I lived 6 hours away. Of course those times were not a vacation. We worked on his uniform, made hydro charts... he slept alot... but it was worth it!

skylar

04-22-2008, 08:49 AM

Thats great that you got to see him every other weekend. Unfortunately living across the country will make that a little bit more difficult for me, haha. I'm hoping that I will be able to go visit him at least 3-4 times while in BUD/S. I know once (if) he makes it through, that all the waiting in the world will be worth seeing him fulfill his dream of becoming a SEAL. Thanks a lot for your advice.

lyonsc4

04-22-2008, 03:32 PM

I feel your pain! lol... i am currently dating a member of BUDS class 271. They started indoc yesterday in Coronado!! He has been in cali for the past week (i actually saw him this past weekend which was huge for us.. since i live in pa and i hadnt seen him for over two months!!!). I flew across the country to see him for the weekend; it wasn't a lot of time but it was def worth it. We have been together for awhile now and I am supporting him as best I can. If you like, I can try to answer some of the questions you have since I recently went through it. We dated through the 8 week boot camp in Chicago and through the Pre-buds program in Great Lakes. All relationships are different, but I can definitely say that if things are meant to be.. then they will be; it just takes a little effort on both ends. Send an email (lyonsc4@yahoo.com) or post if you have specific questions about visiting or mail or stuff.. id love to help out in anyway. I must say that this website helped me a lot and I am more than willing to help in any way I can :)
-Cait

frogwife

04-24-2008, 10:28 PM

You can see him if you come to visit him while he's in BUD/s. As long as you look at it as an opportunity it would be a plus for both you and him. But if you do visit him, know that his time is not his own and he has no control over when he will see you or not, and if you recognize that, then you'll have a good visit.

I lived in San Diego when my (now) husband went through BUD/s and there was never enough us time, and he was constantly exhausted. And we had the luxury of being in the same city.

It's going to be hard, but if you both have the right frame of mind and drive, you'll do fine.

n cromer

05-18-2008, 08:39 PM

I really feel your pain of the separation. My husband of 9 years, together for 12 just left today for Boot Camp. Yep a 32 yr old man just now leaving then heading to Coronado for BUD/s. This is so new to me, i have no clue what to expect. So just like Md girlfriend Skylar, any advice anyone can provide please send along. Our 5 year old daughter and I will be staying here in PA during his long duration of training. Heck i don't even know what to do about getting a Military ID for our daughter and I. So please pass along whatever you can or wish. Hang in there Skylar, if i can do it anyone can, everything will be fine.

autumn

05-19-2008, 03:04 PM

n cromer

05-19-2008, 07:28 PM

wow! Thats awesome! I guess he got an age waiver for BUD/s? Congrats to you guys!

kris

I am still trying to get past the emotions of him leaving, but I am so proud of him. yes he did get an age waiver, he trained so hard for 2 years and just said that's it I'm going for it. It's going to be a long haul, but i figure if other wonderful women stood behind their partners, then there is no reason why i shouldn't do the same. It just so new to us, but we will make the absolute best of it.

sealwife256

05-20-2008, 12:00 AM

swcc-wife

05-20-2008, 12:22 AM

Heck i don't even know what to do about getting a Military ID for our daughter and I.

Just thought I would pass on a little information to you about this.

First, your husband will need to enroll you and your daughter in DEERS (Defense Enrollment Eligibility Reporting System). He can do this at the PSD office on base. He will need a copy of your marriage license, your and your daughters birth certificates, and social security cards. It is pertinent that you are enrolled in DEERS. This registration is how you establish your eligibility for TRICARE benefits.

After you are enrolled in DEERS, you can go to the nearest military facility to get your dependent ID card. You will need your marriage license, birth certificate, a photo ID card, and a DD Form 1172, which is the actual application for the ID card. Your husband must get the DD Form 1172 filled out for you and he MUST sign it. Without this form and/or his signature on the form, you will not get an ID! (I speak from experience, lol). Your daughter will not need nor will she get an ID card until she is 10 years old, so you don't have to worry about her yet :)

I hope this helps :)

delfaeya

05-21-2008, 01:19 PM

When I read your post, it was like reading my own story. I know exactly what you are feeling. My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years, but have been best friends for over 10. He actually just left today for boot camp. This has always been his dream and I felt that I couldn't let my apprehension stand in his way. I look forward to chatting with you more later; just wanted to say I understand...

lifguard4

05-21-2008, 04:14 PM

Skylar,

It seems that most of the reply you got are from females nothing wrong with that. I want to give you a point of view of a guy. I am not speaking for your boyfriend (i dont know him) I am assuming he loves you and cares for you as you do for him.

Remember this will be just as hard on him emotional as you. I would say the best support I would want if and when I am in your boyfriends situation. For my girlfriend to stay positive and not make me feel guilty for going no matter what happens.

I wish him the best of luck in boot and BUD/S. Your support and encouragement could make a difference if he makes it or not. Your attitude will effect him positively or negatively. When he is feeling down and dose not think he can do another day you simply saying its ok you did your best could cause him to ring out. However if you said suck it up you can do it. That might be what he needs to get thru today and push on.

Just my two cents. hope it helps. Best of luck to you and him

autumn

05-24-2008, 05:37 AM

I am still trying to get past the emotions of him leaving, but I am so proud of him. yes he did get an age waiver, he trained so hard for 2 years and just said that's it I'm going for it. It's going to be a long haul, but i figure if other wonderful women stood behind their partners, then there is no reason why i shouldn't do the same. It just so new to us, but we will make the absolute best of it.

There are a few things that help with separation, but mostly it just takes time to get being with him all of the time out of you system. Keep busy (Im sure thats easy for you being that you have children). Run or go to the gym (that helps you get all of those emotions out and it keeps you healthy and looking good...3 birds with one stone). Although you get sad and lonely do not pen yourself up in your home. Get out and do something.. doesnt matter what, just something. Sometimes, especially when they first leave, you kinda just want to sulk and mope around the house feeling sorry for yourself. That only makes it worse....believe me. Have a girl's night out once a week or once every 2 weeks. Before you know it, you'll begin feeling ok about it and it wont be so bad. I know its hard, but you have to be as strong as he is. You guys have to keep each other strong. Im sure there are more things you can come up with, but I hope I helped to joggle your mind a bit.
Dont forget... youre not the only one out there who feels this way. THere are lots of us. We are, for the most part, here. Many women have used this site to get through these tough times. Once you get a few separations under your wing, you will become more acclamated to the emotions that come and go. Note: I did not say that you will get "use" to it, bc you dont. It always hurts to see them go and iit sucks feeling lonely, but you will notice when you feel these things, and youll have a better idea of what to do when they arise.
Keep us updated!!

kristy

sealmama

06-04-2008, 07:01 AM

My son did not get a break between Boot Camp and BUD/S Prep, or BUD/S Prep and BUD/S. Boot Camp graduation is at 9 o'clock on a Friday morning, so you have the rest of that day, all day Saturday and also Sunday so spend together. They have weekends off during BUD/S Prep, and towards the end can be off base overnight on the weekend (if they don't have watch). There was a 3 day weekend while my son was at BUD/S Prep so we were able to fly him home for a quick visit which I'm so thankful for. I did a lot of comparing flights and was able to find $99 one way. Air Tran bumps active military passengers to Business Class. The Milwaukee airport is about the same distance from the base as O'Hare, so don't forget to check prices for flights into there.

Editing to add: We are in Maryland, too, and it is a 9 hour drive to Great Lakes

lisalynne10

06-04-2008, 10:40 AM

There are a few things that help with separation, but mostly it just takes time to get being with him all of the time out of you system. Keep busy (Im sure thats easy for you being that you have children). Run or go to the gym (that helps you get all of those emotions out and it keeps you healthy and looking good...3 birds with one stone). Although you get sad and lonely do not pen yourself up in your home. Get out and do something.. doesnt matter what, just something. Sometimes, especially when they first leave, you kinda just want to sulk and mope around the house feeling sorry for yourself. That only makes it worse....believe me. Have a girl's night out once a week or once every 2 weeks. Before you know it, you'll begin feeling ok about it and it wont be so bad. I know its hard, but you have to be as strong as he is. You guys have to keep each other strong. Im sure there are more things you can come up with, but I hope I helped to joggle your mind a bit.
Dont forget... youre not the only one out there who feels this way. THere are lots of us. We are, for the most part, here. Many women have used this site to get through these tough times. Once you get a few separations under your wing, you will become more acclamated to the emotions that come and go. Note: I did not say that you will get "use" to it, bc you dont. It always hurts to see them go and iit sucks feeling lonely, but you will notice when you feel these things, and youll have a better idea of what to do when they arise.
Keep us updated!!

kristy

Nice post Missy!! Even though I always know when "R" is leaving for a "trip" my phone always rings much, much more once he's gone. Frogwife calls me a whole lot more, like almost every night! Not to mention she gets online to hit this site while he's gone too. Currently he's doing a workup and she's getting ready for a visit to Coronado so I don't hear from her too much.....but will get to see her next week in Coronado! WOOHOOO...........

ps: Going to give you a call....listen for me.

sealwife256

06-05-2008, 05:12 PM

Although you get sad and lonely do not pen yourself up in your home. Get out and do something.. doesnt matter what, just something. Sometimes, especially when they first leave, you kinda just want to sulk and mope around the house feeling sorry for yourself. That only makes it worse....believe me. Have a girl's night out once a week or once every 2 weeks. Before you know it, you'll begin feeling ok about it and it wont be so bad. I know its hard, but you have to be as strong as he is. You guys have to keep each other strong. Im sure there are more things you can come up with, but I hope I helped to joggle your mind a bit.
Dont forget... youre not the only one out there who feels this way. THere are lots of us. We are, for the most part, here. Many women have used this site to get through these tough times. Once you get a few separations under your wing, you will become more acclamated to the emotions that come and go. Note: I did not say that you will get "use" to it, bc you dont. It always hurts to see them go and iit sucks feeling lonely, but you will notice when you feel these things, and youll have a better idea of what to do when they arise.
Keep us updated!!

kristy

Good advice Kristy.

I think the first week they are gone is always the hardest, and and then it starts to get easier. I sometimes find myself on the calculator of my computer seeing how far we've gone percentage wise into the deployment... then I stop myself, lol. Just stay busy and invest in yourself. I started taking a dance class, enrolled my daughter in a baby swim class, working out is great because it helps me get my mind off of things and makes me look good when my hubby gets back ;) Or be like me and once a week order pizza and hold the remote to the TV and watch whatever you want, because he's not there to steel it! :)

Everyone has their days, sometimes I find my self saying, Wow I can't believe 8 weeks just past! And then the next day I will say... I can't beleive it's ONLY been 8 weeks :(

Have fun with it and it will fly by before you know it.

autumn

06-06-2008, 05:56 AM

Good advice Kristy.

I think the first week they are gone is always the hardest, and and then it starts to get easier. I sometimes find myself on the calculator of my computer seeing how far we've gone percentage wise into the deployment... then I stop myself, lol. Just stay busy and invest in yourself. I started taking a dance class, enrolled my daughter in a baby swim class, working out is great because it helps me get my mind off of things and makes me look good when my hubby gets back ;) Or be like me and once a week order pizza and hold the remote to the TV and watch whatever you want, because he's not there to steel it! :)

Everyone has their days, sometimes I find my self saying, Wow I can't believe 8 weeks just past! And then the next day I will say... I can't beleive it's ONLY been 8 weeks :(

Have fun with it and it will fly by before you know it.

Thanks...but funny thing is that my husband is leaving for a class here in the next month and last night was the first time that I started to get a glimpse of seperation anxiety. lol. Ive learned when those feelings creep up that I begin to disassociate myself from him a little and Im really working on that.
I guess what Im trying to hammer home is that it never gets better, you just learn how to deal with it in a more positive way. ;)

sealwife256

06-06-2008, 12:51 PM

I guess what Im trying to hammer home is that it never gets better, you just learn how to deal with it in a more positive way. ;)

You're very right, when I get down I do just try and deal with it more positively, I do get used to him being gone. I would say any trips longer than 2-3 months is when I really start getting anxious... 3 years ago a month seemed like forever, lol!

lisalynne10

06-06-2008, 10:35 PM

I would say any trips longer than 2-3 months is when I really start getting anxious...

If the b-i-l's gone longer than 3 months (which is usually not longer than 3 more weeks) the Frogwife gets PISSED! Not at the Frog, but just the circumstances, etc. And guess who she likes to vent to about it...yeah, uh-huh.....moi. Me. But, it's all good!!

autumn

06-07-2008, 05:42 AM

You're very right, when I get down I do just try and deal with it more positively, I do get used to him being gone. I would say any trips longer than 2-3 months is when I really start getting anxious... 3 years ago a month seemed like forever, lol!

Yeah, it is kinda funny...my husband has been home for a while so I have to get use to this all over again. Right now a month seems like a long time, but I remember a few years ago when he was deployed with the Connie on what was suppose to be a 6 month deployment (riiight). I was pregnant with our first son and we were really hoping he would be home by the time our son was 6 weeks old. NOPE. Didnt happen. He was extended "indefinitely" which turned out to be 2 months. But we had no idea when to expect him home. It was terrible. Taught me many a lesson though. It taught me how strong I really was and how to get through crappy times on my own. Did I mention it taught me to "Map out my future, but do it in pencil"....ESPECIALLY with the Navy. lol.