When is the best time to get married? [Archive]

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melissalynn333

04-04-2008, 09:18 PM

Me and my fiance have been together for 6 years. He has recently been sent off to bootcamp and plans on going on to be a navy seal. I was just wondering if anyone can give me any advice on when we should get married? I was told by his seal mentor that waiting till after BUDs is probably best, that way its one less thing to stress out about. The only thing is, I dont know when we will ever have time with all the crazy schedules I hear they have, and not to mention that housing allowance would be nice to get? Any ideas?

abvillar

04-08-2008, 11:02 PM

Hello! I am in the same boat as you. I talked to my fiancé’s recruiter and he said the best time to get married is the weekend of his graduation from RTC. The only way to do it is to get married at the court house in Great Lakes. The court house is only open M-F to file for a marriage license, so you would have to go to the court house straight after the graduation ceremony. Judges are available to perform the actual wedding ceremony at select times on the weekends. There isn't much information about how to go about doing this, so I really had to dig for information. This site may help:

http://www.co.lake.il.us/cntyclk/vital/marriagelicense.asp

If you are concerned with the added pay your fiancé will receive, the court house is the fastest and most efficient way to gain the monetary compensation. You can always plan a church ceremony at a later date when you are sure of a date he will have off time. His recruiter told me that he will not have any time after RTC or the pre-BUDS training to come home to get married. He said he MIGHT get some down time after BUDS and the next training phase, which would be an ideal time to set a date. I guess it really is a waiting game! I hope this helps. Let me know if I can help you with any other information concerning this issue.

akrock2001

04-09-2008, 08:59 AM

If you want to go ahead and get the BAH(housing allowance) then get married the weekend of his bootcamp graduation.

Personally, I would suggest what the SEAL mentor did. If you can wait, wait... BUT...

What does your fiance' think or want to do?

Are you going to be in Coronado/San Diego while he is in BUD/S?

sealwife256

04-09-2008, 12:31 PM

My Husband and I got married between BUD/S and SQT, right after Jump School (which they don't have anymore in Georgia, it's now in CA during SQT). His graduation of BUD/S and the start of SQT fell between Christmas, so he had 3 weeks off. This made it easy... however we didn't have time for a wedding. In fact, he asked me to marry him, and 4 days later we were in a court house... and the honeymoom was 2 nights in a hotel in the same city during finals week for me in College. But hey, we made it work and it was a blast. That's the main point, do what you ahve to do to make it work. Their schedule changes, and it does so OFTEN, so we saw the opportuinity and took it! :)

melissalynn333

04-14-2008, 06:07 PM

thanks for all the info girls. Iv decided to wait and see what happens. I just got his first letter back to me and he is now thinking about doing something else in the navy (navy diver) that dosent require that he be gone all the time. He says he has changed his mind and dosent want to go through his life not being with me and didnt realize how important it was to him. I dont know if its true or just because he is having it so ruff to start out. Wrote him a good encouraging letter back, wasnt an easy one to write.

sealwife256

04-14-2008, 09:31 PM

I just got his first letter back to me and he is now thinking about doing something else in the navy (navy diver) that dosent require that he be gone all the time. He says he has changed his mind and dosent want to go through his life not being with me and didnt realize how important it was to him.

Not to discourage any choice your man wants to make, but to be honest they aren't really gone as much as people think. They do deploy every 18 months, but as for right now from my experience their deployments are MUCH shorter compared to other branches and the fleet. My brother-in-law just got extended for another 2 months... not to say that won't happen to a SEAL, but don't let that be a factor for you men that want to be SEAL's and for the women who support them. Just my opinion :)

bud/s 184

04-14-2008, 09:44 PM

iamfubar44861

04-15-2008, 08:27 AM

I recommend waiting till he earns his Trident.....you do not want to **** up and marry a quitter!!

HAHAHAHAHAHA.....haven't heard from you in a while BUD/S 184, good to see you again.

melissalynn333

04-19-2008, 03:29 PM

Just got to talk to him he is still bouncing around what he wants to do bootcamp must really take it out of them mentally

P.S. and if he dosnt want to be a SEAL I will not call him a quiter :)

jumpingbum

05-19-2008, 06:00 PM

Just got to talk to him he is still bouncing around what he wants to do bootcamp must really take it out of them mentally

P.S. and if he dosnt want to be a SEAL I will not call him a quiter :)

Good for your Melissa! I was horrified to find out that one of my wedding guests (Let's call her Rhonda, a wife of a team member) had told one of my best friends that they couldn't be friends because my friend's husband was "only" a support guy. Rhonda was not a friend and after hearing about that nasty remark? She never became one. Sigh.

I'm a born again Christian (I was saved by a Green Beret (SF guy, or whatever you want to call him) sorry, the Navy didn't have a research position in exercise physiology or I would have joined) and I have a very different perspective on marriage that I won't burden you with unless you want to hear it. :) I had too many right wingers shove their opinion down my throat before I was saved (which is why it took an SF guy to save me. :) )

Courtenay

05-19-2008, 06:27 PM

Not to discourage any choice your man wants to make, but to be honest they aren't really gone as much as people think. They do deploy every 18 months, but as for right now from my experience their deployments are MUCH shorter compared to other branches and the fleet. My brother-in-law just got extended for another 2 months... not to say that won't happen to a SEAL, but don't let that be a factor for you men that want to be SEAL's and for the women who support them. Just my opinion :)

I was just reading this.....

The deployments are only 6 months, this is true. But, is your husband really home a lot in-between? My son certainly isn't. He got home from deployment in Oct. Was gone again by December.... off at a school. He has been home only 2 or 3 weeks at a time since. Between schools and training he is BARELY at home!

sealwife256

05-19-2008, 11:56 PM

I was just reading this.....

The deployments are only 6 months, this is true. But, is your husband really home a lot in-between? My son certainly isn't. He got home from deployment in Oct. Was gone again by December.... off at a school. He has been home only 2 or 3 weeks at a time since. Between schools and training he is BARELY at home!

I guess it's all in perspective. When my husband was on a ship I never saw him, we were just friends at the time trying to date, but I was in AZ and he was in FL. Then when he went off to BUD/s I only saw him maybe 4 days out of the month, if that. Now that we are married and I live in the same State, and get to live in the same home as him it just feels like I see him a lot more. I've learned to become independent and really enjoy my time I have to spend with my daughter when he's gone. Any one in the private sector would say a SEAL is gone a lot, but to me it's just part of the job. Besides, I would rather have him coming and going then gone 15 months at a time. If he came home in October and went off in a school in December, I would say that's pretty normal. I would look at it though that I got to spend the time from October through December with him :) It's all perception.