What should wives expect?

[kmgdag19]

I live in CT and my husband is an ex-marine infantryman, enlisting into the navy and taking the SEAL challenge in June. I am looking for advice from a SEAL wife or a SEAL husband who has experienced or is experiencing this lifestyle.
Questions:
1.) When my husband goes to Chicago for his re-fresher, at what point do I move to SD?
2.) Is the move handled by the Navy or is it up to us to make all the arrangements, such as finding housing, and transporting our belongings from CT to CA?
3.) What is the housing process? When/how do we apply for base housing? If we are put on a waiting list, do we have to find alternate temp. housing or does the Navy take care of this?
4.) What is a day in the life of a SEAL wife like? How often do you actually see your husband?

I appreciate feedback on any of my questions from someone who has experienced or is experiencing this.

Thanks!!

[joshdupre]

1. unsure on what to suggest to you on this.
2. When you move your husband will go through the travel office for this and
either do a DITTY move (do it yourself move) or he will arrange for the navy to do it. In my experience doing it yourself is better. How it works is this you pack yourself and weigh all your goods and turn in the weight ticked to the travel office and they pay you for moving. You are only alloted X amount of weight depending on weight. Now if the Navy moves you like they did me last May and you go over your weight like I did by 3,900 lbs then you have to pay for that excess which is a dollar a pound. So I am being paychecked 4k for my over weight which is why in the future I will do it myself.
3. You can't be on the offical waiting list for housing unless your husband is attached to his command. When you are on the weighting list it is up to you to find alternate housing. A suggesting is if you want base housing in SD then wait to move when housing has a house for you ready to move into. The wait times differ depending on area.
4. Someone else will have to elaborate on this one.

Josh

[overit]

To answer the last question....say goodbye to ever seeing him.

They are gone on deployment, gone training and trust me their commands don't give a damn about you. They don't care if they've been gone training for weeks or months, they don't care about any plans you may have had. The schedule ALWAYS changes last minute. No matter how much you love your husband you will regret ever getting in to this. There is nothing worse for your relationship than for him to be a SEAL. It never gets better either. So good luck, not that it will help. Learn to sit back and be alone.

[sbd22]

wow dont be so pessamistic there "overit". Im not the one to talk to but after reading that last post I don't want you to have a sour taste in your mouth. I agree that yes it will be difficult because its a different lifestyle than most occupations but from what I've seen on this site it is not has bad as overit put it. The deployments are six months, compared to doing two year tours. And from what I've heard from a SEAL I talked to at the local vets home, after BUD/s and SQT its almost like having a normal life. He said all the guys in his team had plenty of time for their wives and families.

It will probably be hard at first but once you get used to it, it will be an aswome experience, for both of you. Best of luck to your husband and yourself.

[akrock2001]

To answer the last question....say goodbye to ever seeing him.

They are gone on deployment, gone training and trust me their commands don't give a damn about you. They don't care if they've been gone training for weeks or months, they don't care about any plans you may have had. The schedule ALWAYS changes last minute. No matter how much you love your husband you will regret ever getting in to this. There is nothing worse for your relationship than for him to be a SEAL. It never gets better either. So good luck, not that it will help. Learn to sit back and be alone.

Who are you and what is your background experience that you base this off of?

[dive doc]

Who are you and what is your background experience that you base this off of?

Id like to second that. Im just curious to know on what background you are basing this extremely negative reflection on Overit. Please share some of your insight with the rest of us, so that we can learn from your experience as well. I look forward to hearing about your perspective.

We have a lot of guys here who have BTDT say its hard, but also say that you find and make time for your family. Yes you will be gone, yes your family life will be disrupted at times, but on the other hand there are many happy SEAL families out there too.

[voice]

It is obvious that overit has had a bad experience. Without knowing anything of that situation one can only speculate. I would imagine that her guy didnt make the time to see her.

I am not a wife of a Team guy but I have a family member who is in. I get to see him alot more than expected, and his GF gets to see him alot more than some outsiders expect and she lives out-of-state from where he lives while state side. If she would live with him then of course she would see alot more of him.

I wouldnt take overit's post as the norm. Yes, they are gone alot on workups and training, and of course the deployments, but it isnt anything near what that person portrays it. Apparently her guy didnt make any time for her. I could see that happening. Of course it isnt like a normal marriage where ya see your spouse pretty much every day,but when most think of a wife of a team guy ya think they rarely would see each other, which isnt the truth.

[m4a1fanatic]

To answer the last question....say goodbye to ever seeing him.

They are gone on deployment, gone training and trust me their commands don't give a damn about you. They don't care if they've been gone training for weeks or months, they don't care about any plans you may have had. The schedule ALWAYS changes last minute. No matter how much you love your husband you will regret ever getting in to this. There is nothing worse for your relationship than for him to be a SEAL. It never gets better either. So good luck, not that it will help. Learn to sit back and be alone.
"Overit" Your aren't the brightest person are you? Im 15 and go to a brand new high school San Juan Hills yet i have more respect for our military than you do. Your husband made a dedication to our military that is outstanding and respectable in every way. If anything you should be proud of him and support him. I pray that you don't act this innappropriately around him. At my age I have already dedicated my life to the fact that one way or another I will join the military. I admit i have also made the decision not to be married as i want to dedicate all my time and life to the military and i plan to die in action but you have to be willing to make sacrifices. I apologize if I sound harsh.

Jake

[ddssdv]

Overit is a troll. Ignore.

I will tell you guys who are married have a tough time in BUD/S. Statictics prove it. I would say jus suit up and ride the wave and let him drive. No one here can really give you correct answers since things are changing everyday. Josh is AD Nav and can get close for you. Good Luck

[rsctt83]

Jake:

If you have something to say do it in a non-confrontational manner. There is no reason to start off your post by stating something like you are not the brightest person. In truth, saying that makes me feel that way about you.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, people react differently to situations, the person who posted that is expressing her opinion. If you do not agree with it so be it, at the ripe old age of 15 it is hard to imagine that you have much to share with the community in terms of experience. That's cool, you are very young and have your life in front of you. What I am alluding to is stick to things you know about, clearly this is an area where you do not belong and have little of substance to offer.

[lisalynne10]

To answer the last question....say goodbye to ever seeing him.

They are gone on deployment, gone training and trust me their commands don't give a damn about you. They don't care if they've been gone training for weeks or months, they don't care about any plans you may have had. The schedule ALWAYS changes last minute. No matter how much you love your husband you will regret ever getting in to this. There is nothing worse for your relationship than for him to be a SEAL. It never gets better either. So good luck, not that it will help. Learn to sit back and be alone.

pffffttt. Do tell where your information comes from.

[breezybree20022]

Overit...... I can say that in some aspects you may be right while in others you may be wrong. Marriage is work in "normal" aspects.... marriage to a man in the military is often harder in some areas as you are going to spend time away from one another at one time or another. Team guys may or may not have it harder.... I don't know as I am not a team wife. However, each and every marriage.....military or otherwise is different.
You have to work to make marriage work......and if both parties are not working together or one party does all the work than it will fail. That goes with all marriages..... team guys and their wives just have to be bit more flexible and creative in keeping their marriage, love and family whole and alive. it can be done..... because lets look at the reality of things for a second......SEAL teams are trained to never quit....never say die...... never! So with that in mind do you really think that a little ol thing like marriage and the teams and the dual lives will be intimidating to them.,,,,,, heck I bet they could wash dishes...... make their wives and kids feel loved and happy and save the world without breaking a sweat.......they are in effect the best of the best ....... give credit where credit is due......if ANYONE can do it they can. And maybe just maybe they are better at it than any of us average civvies give them credit or would think they are.
Don't let one man or one thought color the rest of the men in a group with the same marker.......that would be a mistake......there are some damn good men in and out of the teams..... and there are bad ones too.... not every man is the same ( thank goodness or we would all be some unhappy ladies) and not every woman is the same. Recognize that there is a difference in everyone and somethings that we average civvies struggle at those SEAL teammates excel at......they eat challenges for breakfast so marriage and family and team life is like a cakewalk for them.
Bree
I know of several men in this website alone who amaze me with their generosity and capability to love. I know of many ladies here that so the same. I think you should reevaluate your thoughts on the group you are talking about and then think of the many things they accomplish each day.

[Sincere9184]

Well I am not a SEAL, however I was enlisted in the navy for four years before getting out. I am married and I have a son who was born not a month after getting home from deployment. I am sure being in the teams is more demanding than being in the FLEET, but Im sure it is hard either way.

My take on it is that is depends on how strong your family is. Lucky for me I am married to a strong, independent wife. This made it a little more easier on our relationship when I was underway on workups, training, and deployments. I think the trick is to make the most of your time while you are together.

I expressed my intrest in re enlisting to become a SEAL, and my wife said with a smile "then why aren't you at the pool?" I wouldn't be able to do it without that kind of support.

[Courtenay]

I live in CT and my husband is an ex-marine infantryman, enlisting into the navy and taking the SEAL challenge in June. I am looking for advice from a SEAL wife or a SEAL husband who has experienced or is experiencing this lifestyle.
Questions:
1.) When my husband goes to Chicago for his re-fresher, at what point do I move to SD?
2.) Is the move handled by the Navy or is it up to us to make all the arrangements, such as finding housing, and transporting our belongings from CT to CA?
3.) What is the housing process? When/how do we apply for base housing? If we are put on a waiting list, do we have to find alternate temp. housing or does the Navy take care of this?
4.) What is a day in the life of a SEAL wife like? How often do you actually see your husband?

I appreciate feedback on any of my questions from someone who has experienced or is experiencing this.

Thanks!!

I am going to try to answer your questions since I know how most of this works out for my son who is a SEAL.

1. Since BUD/s is not a permanent duty you won't be able to apply for housing in San Diego if you go there immediately. He won't be assigned anything permanent until he goes to his team, which is more than a year down the road from when he starts BUD/s. So basically, you can go to San Diego whenever you want, since you'll be looking for a place to live on your own. Many of the wives of the guys my son went through BUD/s with, chose to stay put wherever they were until BUD/s was over, which is not a bad idea at all. More than one guy has quit BUD/s because of family issues with relocation etc. Maybe they would have quit anyway....but, why add pressure unnecessarily, you know? Talk about your plans, such as; Does he want to be on the west coast when he is assigned to a team? (if he is going east, why relocate, to relocate again) Do you have a job there in CT that you like and family etc to keep you busy? Or would being in San Diego with your husband be better for you and him? Remember, his focus will be BUD/s, then SQT. Not you, not the kids. Think about that when you are making relocation plans. If you (and your kids if you have any) are his inspiration, and he functions better with you close-by, by all means, be close-by! Just talk it all out in advance, and agree about what is best for both of you.

2. The Navy will pay for the move, when it is a permanent duty, that I know for sure. Have your husband check if they pay for the move to San Diego for the BUD/s training. My off-the-cuff guess, however, is no.

3. Was sort of answered by 1. You cannot start an application for housing in San Diego until San Diego is his permanent duty location. Until then you have to find an apartment or house to rent. He has to maintain a room at BUD/s, but he will also receive pay for housing. You'll find the housing in San Diego to be pretty pricey, so it probably will not cover everything, so keep that in mind.

4. Much of 'how much time' you get to see your husband has to do with your husband, honestly. My son's wife doesn't see him a lot, and she is okay with that. He missed his baby daughter's first birthday, and knew he would when he chose to go to the 'school' he is currently in. She understands that for the advancement of his career, and because he wants to make the most of his time in the teams, he has to be gone a lot. There are SEAL husbands who only go away when they HAVE to go away, in other words, when they are SENT by their command to a school rather than volunteering for it. But, there aren't many of them. Most of the guys who are serious about their job, WANT to go to all the additional training they possibly can. I was talking to my son the other night, and he was just mentioning that he thinks he has only slept in his own bed about a total of 30 nights this year. The plus side, when he is 'home' work days are short, and he has a lot of time actually AT HOME. That's the trade-off.

Hope this answered some of your questions. I am sure someone will step in and correct it if I was wrong about anything!

[dupeeswife]

my best friends dh is a SWCC and they are gone just as much and they have one of the happiest marriages I have ever seen. They also have 2 little kids. I know you said your dh is a former marine so im assuming your not familiar with the navy much in general,If your in the navy you are going to be gone, be it on a ship or with the bees or specwar. Everybody does their time away and I always see posts about it.. but the way I look at it is my dh was on a ship that was in and out constantly, did a 6 month deployment and was home 3 weeks and left again to meet up with his new command with the bees on another deployment.. came home for 10 months and then he was gone again on yet another 6 month deployment. My friends who have dhs on other ships they stay gone on work ups, deployments and do it all over again when they come home.Now in the big navy you have to worry about going on IAs for 6 -18 months.. So honestly the time away does not scare me and I don't see it being any harder than any other military marriage. i do know one thing, i'd rather deal with the coming and going all the time than to not see him at all for 18 -24 months but that is just me. All I know is specwar or not hes got a few years left on this enlistment and he's going to be gone either way so I'd rather him be in here doing something that makes him happy. I dont know what overit was talking about when he said they dont care about your family. my friends command has done alot for them.When Katrina hit my friends were taken care of immediately and had trailors to stay in.. where were we ?? living in a damn tent in the over crowded rv park, no showers, no bathrooms, no food except mres, no air condition in the middle of one hot *** mississippi summer. What did my dh's command do? not a whole lot. Thankgod for the tent because we would've been living in a warehouse with 800 other misplaced families sleeping next to each other.

[frogwife]

I live in CT and my husband is an ex-marine infantryman, enlisting into the navy and taking the SEAL challenge in June. I am looking for advice from a SEAL wife or a SEAL husband who has experienced or is experiencing this lifestyle.
Questions:
1.) When my husband goes to Chicago for his re-fresher, at what point do I move to SD?
2.) Is the move handled by the Navy or is it up to us to make all the arrangements, such as finding housing, and transporting our belongings from CT to CA?
3.) What is the housing process? When/how do we apply for base housing? If we are put on a waiting list, do we have to find alternate temp. housing or does the Navy take care of this?
4.) What is a day in the life of a SEAL wife like? How often do you actually see your husband?

I appreciate feedback on any of my questions from someone who has experienced or is experiencing this.

Thanks!!

One, I would not try to go to San Diego while he's at BUD/s. It's so iffy when he will get in, or even if he will make it throught. But it you are alread in the military, start working with the Navy housing on getting a place. My knowledge on that is OLD (as I am an OLD wife), but anything you can find out is information you can use.

THat said, if he gets to BUD/s, you will hardly see him through that. He might come home at night, but when he does it will be to shine his boots, paint his helmet and depending on what phase he is in, maybe study diving. Other then that all he will want to do is sleep. LET HIM!

I don't think you can get housing when he's at BUD/s, because (I think) the wait list is too long and the course too short. But I could be wrong on that.

After a dozen years as a SEAL wife, there is no one thing that I can tell you that is regular about a day. You'll learn it as you go along. And it's not that bad. It's just challenging. Even today, for me, I'm trying to explain to my kids why their dad is going to be gone for the next month. Even though it's a normal trip for me, it never is for the kids. That's what you can expect. It's not a bad thing unless you make it so.

[melissalynn333]

this is my first time to this sight and iv read a lot of interesting things. My fiance just started bootcamp one week ago. I was wondering if anyone could tell me when he will get to talk to me and if he will get to come see me before he is off to BUDs training?